Happy New Year!

Whew! We made it to see another year. I thank God for allowing me to see it! It's been a really rough year for a lot of us. Myself included. Particularly the second leg of 2020. I try to stay positive and maintain a clear head. I practice self-care and focus on inner-peace, but all of that went out of the window the past few months. I have fallen short and haven't balanced my mental health or self-care; it has not been a top-priority. Life came in swinging and I was not ready. I lost motivation and the drive that fueled me. I felt stuck and uninspired (hence why I haven't been writing).

I internalize all the distressing things in my life and bury those feelings deep down hoping that they never manifest. Like an emotional armor. Before I know it, those feelings eventually rear their heads and I am left feeling empty, vulnerable, and flat out tired.

Mental health is so important and I don't think we pay enough attention to it. I definitely haven't lately. We let social media, friends, family, television shows, life- altering events, careers and so many other things interfere with what we REALLY need to nourish our minds, bodies, and souls. For me it's my peace. It's what's most important to my mental health, and for the last few months I lost that. I was so busy worrying about what I wasn't doing, what I need to do, my family, and my job that I lost sight of myself. Everything can exist... it's merely impossible for them not to coexist. This is life, but where is the balance?

As I become more self-aware, I've realized that I don't give myself time to just feel. Sometimes, I'm just not ok and I have learned that it's ok not to be. What I can't do is stay there. That's what I am working on. Working on not feeling like I have to do all the things and be ok. I am acknowledging when I am not ok and doing what I have to do to change it. It may not be over night, but consistency is key. 2020 was a damn doozy, nothing compares to this. Through it all though I have learned so much about myself. The good, the bad and the ugly. I am better because of it. A little bruised...a few knots on my head, but still standing and definitely not waving the white flag.

Shit is crazy out here. Everything is not always peachy keen. We are allowed to have heavy hearts. We are allowed to be confused, hurt, unsure, fearful, and insecure. We are allowed to be human.. we are not machines and we are not meant to be perfect. Go easy on yourself, try not to judge yourself even when others do.

To everyone who has suffered a loss; no matter how big or small. Those who have not felt like themselves lately and are just tired. Those who feel alone and vulnerable. To those who don't know your next move, or feel like you haven't done "enough" in 2020. You made it through! You planted your feet on the ground and pressed on regardless of your circumstances. Don't let anyone make you believe that you didn't do enough or that you aren't enough. You did that, even if that meant just getting out of bed each day... you did it and that's a win!

I wish everyone the most prosperous and healthy 2021. No resolutions, just continue to work on yourself. Whatever that means to YOU. Focus on being the best version of YOU. Learning to acknowledge those W's and the L's all while growing. More love, life, self-care and coinage all 2021. We can do this together. Let's get out of our heads and rock this shit!

Happy New Year- LLL

P.S.- I am looking for a new therapist... let me know if you guys can recommend anyone.