It Could All Be So Simple

It Could All Be So Simple!

What does Lauryn say? It could all be so simple, but you’d rather make it hard? Yeah- that!

Are we all dealing with the same thing? It certainly feels that way. So many Millennial women seem to be having similar experiences with men at this stage in life. Just the other day, I was catching up with a friend who told me she’s seeing someone new. He’s kind and easy to be around, but he never makes plans. He always waits for her to decide what they’re doing, where they’re going, and how they spend their time together.

I realized I’ve experienced the exact same dynamic, and honestly, it’s exhausting. It’s not that these men are bad people; it’s that the emotional and logistical labor keeps falling on women, even in the early stages of dating. And when you see the same pattern show up across different women, different men, and different situations, it starts to feel less like coincidence and more like a mismatch in how effort, initiative, and partnership are understood.

Society used to give men and women very different roles and expectations, but things are understandably shifting. Now those structures have dissolved, and everyone is trying to build relationships without the old blueprint.

We are living through an interesting collision between those old expectations and the reality of where we really are in history. People will say, “We don’t have love like our grandparents anymore” or “This new generation of women don’t take care of their men.” Women were expected to marry for stability and protection, take care of the home, have babies, and remain faithful and loyal. Men went to work, brought home the money, and disciplined the children. Men were also expected to remain calm and solve problems during difficult moments. Even if they weren't emotionally expressive, they still had to be steady. Even though both did what was expected, both people were miserable and stayed together for the kids. They didn't even know each other or, in some cases, even like each other. The kids grew up and moved on, leaving two people who despise each other, but from the outside looking in, it's “That old-school love.” Nah… I’m good on that.

Now, I am not saying this was the case in all situations, so don't come for me. I know there were true, deep love stories back then. I also know that people experience meaningful love and relationships now. And while I believe everyone deserves true love, I don't think everyone can sustain the work it takes. It should not be a constant battle. You show up for me; I will show up for you. We communicate, reciprocate, and give each other the grace and effort we expect in return. Relationships take work, but it should not take convincing someone to treat you right. That is the standard I am talking about. I don’t think everyone is capable of this, though, and we make excuses for the fact that we aren’t emotionally intelligent or can't effectively communicate.

I think a lot of us were raised by parents who taught their girls to be super independent and not to depend on anyone. On the other hand, some (I didn't say ALL) men were raised with the traditional idea that being the provider, decision-maker, and protector means they have the authority. So now you have two people with different ideas of what “partnership” is. Two independent people are trying to build something where both people have agency.

A man who doesn’t have authority over his partner isn’t less valuable, and a woman who doesn’t have to depend on a man doesn’t mean she doesn’t want a partner. I think we have confused being needed with value and having authority with being respected. That confusion is where the tension starts.

When we talk about tradition, we also have to acknowledge the mismatch that shows up in modern dating. Traditionally, the man was the provider, the decision‑maker, and the protector. But what happens when a man can’t (or won't) provide, decide, or protect -yet still expects a woman to embody traditional femininity? And on the other side, what happens when a man can show up in those traditional ways, but the woman doesn’t respond with the femininity he imagines? She may have never been in a relationship where someone consistently showed up for her, so she doesn’t know how to relax into that dynamic. At that point, it’s not really about tradition anymore. It’s about reciprocity, comfort, and effort. We have to learn what makes people feel safe enough to meet each other halfway. That’s where communication becomes essential, because without it, both people end up expecting roles the other person has never learned, never needed, or never been supported in.

I don’t think we’re doomed, but I think we are far removed from traditional relationship dynamics, and we are still figuring out what comes next. In the meantime, we are all getting on each other's nerves—mainly men getting on women’s nerves, but I digress. These dating apps aren’t helping us either, but I will save that for another post.

When it's all said and done, it’s two people choosing each other and bringing something meaningful to each other’s lives. Whatever that means for both of you… not anyone else. That is what matters in the end.

Are you all feeling the shift? Ladies, how y'all feeling? Fellas, y’all alright? Let’s chat about it.

LLL ❤️